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User blog:Malurus2000/Lord of the Hats: The Fellowship of the Hat, Book II.
Frodo Bioniclefan1: *Wakes up.* Where am I, and what is the time? A Familiar Voice: In the House of Vezrond, and it is ten o'clock in the morning. It is the morning of October the twenty-fourth, if you want to know. Frodo: Guudalf! Guudalf: Yes, I am here, and you are lucky to be here, too. Frodo: Why didn't you come to the Prancing Pokawi, Guudalf? Guudalf: I was delayed. I'll tell you in guud time, right now you need to rest and not worry. *** Vezrond: Now, you all have been invited to this secret council named after me, by me, The Council of Vezrond. This is a meeting of all the peoples of Middle-Atero, the Matoran, Toa, Hobbits and the miscellaneous category. Now, let's get down to business. Kaj the Onu-Matoran: There has been a shadow growing near the #ForeverAlone Mountain. It started around thirty years ago, when whispers of going back to the Great Mines! Oh, but too greedily we have dug there, and awakened an ancient fear. Donse and other of my kin went to the Great Mines, and we haven't heard from them since. About a year ago, a messenger came by hailing from Maldor. "Greetings," he said, "The Lord Malron the Great wishes for your frienship. Hats he would give for it, such as he gave of old.” He also asked us about Hobbits, of what kind they were and where they dwelt. “For Malron knows,” said he, “that one of these was known to you on a time.” We didn’t know what to think of it, but he continued in a softer voice. “As a small token only of your friendship Malron asks this,” he said, “that you should find this thief and get from him, willing or no, a Hat, the least of the Hats, that once he stole. It is but a trifle that Malron fancies, and an earnest of your good will. Find it, and three hats that the Onu-Matoran possessed of old shall be returned to you, and the realm of the Great Mines shall be yours for ever. Find only news of the thief, whether he still lives and where, and you shall have great reward and lasting friendship with the Lord. Refuse, and things will not seem so well. Do you refuse?” At this hiss breath was that like a Doom Viper. But Damek said “I say neither yea nor nay. I must consider this message and what it means under its’ cloak.” “Consider well, but not too long,” said he. “The time of my thought is my own to spend.” “For the present,” said he, and rode into the darkness. So our hearts were heavy, and we’ve came to warn Bionicle_Fanatic he is being sought out by the Enemy, and we crave the advice of Vezrond. Vezrond: The Hat! What shall we do with the Hat, the least of hats, the trifle that Malron fancies? That is the doom we must deem. That is the purpose you are called hither. Now, therefore, things shall be openly spoken that have been hidden from all but a few until this day. And first, so that all may understand what is the peril, the Tale of the Hat shall be told from the beginning to this present. And I will begin the tale, though others must end it. *Drones on about the making of the Hats, how they were made, how there was a last alliance of Le-Matoran and Toa, how Malron was defeated and how the Hat came to belong to Isildur.* And- Kepomir: OK, OK, enough, please! Frodo: Who’s he? Vezrond: This is Kepomir, son of- Kepomir: Let’s not get into any more droning from you, Vezrond. I had a vision about Isildur’s Bane, which I now understand to be this… Hat. Strider: Isildur could not bear the weight of the Hat. Kepomir: And how would a ranger know this? Vezrond: This is no mere ranger. This is… Well, can’t say, quite exactly… We called him Strider because he strides around a lot, but he really has no name. But he is also known as Nameless, heir to Isildur’s throne, and- Kepomir: OK, enough cataloguing! Frodo: Wait, how could we see him before?... Alienduck Alienduck: Plot hole. *Runs away behind the fourth wall that he broke.* Anyways, can we get back to discussing the Hat? Guudalf: I’ll take over. So, when I went to seek council from Solek the White, he told me that he would ally with the Enemy, only later to try and defeat him and take the Hat for himself. He imprisoned me there, but the Gukko birds came to my rescue. Kepomir: Let us use this Hat as a weapon! Vezrond: Even if we meant to use it for good, the corrupting power of the Hat would destroy any good within. And if Malron was defeated, the wielder of the Hat would become just as evil. Guudalf: We must destroy it. No weapon can destroy it, only Kanohi Dragon’s fire or the fires from whence it was made in the Cracks of Doom. And since there’s no more known Kanohi Dragons… Yeah, we have to travel to Maldor. Frodo: I volunteer as tribute! I will follow you. You have my sword. Leqolas: And my bow! Kadihi, son of Kaj: And my axe! Kepomir: Yeah, sure, I’ll go, I have nothing better to do. SW: You’re not going without me! Pohatu: Or us! *Pohatu and Macedonia run up.* Guudalf: You know I will go. Vezrond: Fine, then you are… The Fellowship of the Hat! *** Bionicle_Fanatic: Here, Frodo, take this, my old sword, Sting. And this, my Protosteel chain shirt! It cannot be pierced by any weapon… *Looks to see Nameless.* Hey, you know the Lady Aryawen is waiting for you, right? Yeah, but I have important matters to see to. Bionicle_Fanatic: Like what? Oh, the blade that was broken, Narsil, is being re-forged, nothing much. Bionicle_Fanatic: Ah. *** Kadihi: I say we should go through the Great Mines. My cousin Donse would give us a royal welcome. Guudalf: I’d rather not… Leqolas: There’s a dark shape coming towards us… Guudalf: Crebain! EVERYONE GET DOWN AND STAY QUIET!!!... What’re you all staring at? *Waits until they pass.* They were probably spies of Solek or Malron, either way, bad news. Guudalf: Let us get a move on and cross the mountains, then. *** Kepomir: C’mon, Guudalf, we’ll freeze at this rate! Tons and tons and tons of-*Avalanche covers the Company.* … Snow. Guudalf: Where to go, though? Kadihi: TO THE MINES!!! Guudalf: Let the Hat-bearer decide. Frodo: Let’s go to the Great Mines. Guudalf: … So be it. *** Guudalf: So, it says in Chutespeak, “Speak friend and enter”, meaning that we must say a password in Chutespeak. Yo, don’t disturb the water. Pohatu: *Stops swimming in the lake.* Guudalf: Quick-open!... Ever-forgotten!... Water-maiden?... Macedonia: Guudalf, it’s a riddle! What’s the Chutespeak word for “friend”? Guudalf: Near-close. *Door opens.* Guud, let’s go in. Frodo: *Starts walking in, when a tentacle grabs his leg.* AUGH! *Gets out, but more tentacles bring down the entrance.* Guudalf: *Lights his staff.* Let’s go, then. *** Guudalf: We’re lost. But don’t worry, nothing could possibly go wrong, right? *Everyone sees they are surrounded by deceased Onu-Matoran, and glimmering eyes are at the edge of the light.* *** Guudalf: Here lies Donse, Lord of the Great Mines. Kadihi: That’s… That’s a konspiracy! Guudalf: Hordes… So many Hordes… We can’t fight them… Much longer… Leqolas: Bohrok!!! Guudalf, we have to leave. Pohatu: *Kicks a stone down a well.* Guudalf: Fool of a Tone! Next time throw yourself in as well. Pohatu: *Is about to jump down well when drums are heard.* Guudalf: Brace the doors!!! Bohrok: *Come through door.* Leqolas: *Shoots two in the neck-area, rendering the body useless. Kadihi: There’s still one Onu-Matoran in this mine who draws breath! *Smashes the Bohrok’s shield, killing the Krana.* Bohrok-Chieftan: *Grabs spear and hits Frodo with it.* HYAAAA!!! *Kills Bohrok-Chieftan.* He’s… Still alive! Frodo: *Unbuttons shirt, Superman style, to reveal his Protosteel shirt.* Kadihi: Protosteel! I tell you, Master Frodo, you really are full of konspiracies, aren’t you? Guudalf: Let’s get out of here! *** Kepomir: What’s that noise? Guudalf: … That is a Malrog, a demon from the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. RUN!!! The bridge of Kazi-Dumb! Guudalf: Go on, I will deal with this. *Faces Malrog.* You cannot pass!... YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!! *Hits bridge, causing it to collapse, the Malrog falling into the abyss.* Well, that was surprisingly easy… *The Malrog’s fiery whip grabs onto Guudalf.* Fly you fools! Frodo: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *The Fellowship goes outside.* *** We cannot stop, by nightfall these hills will be swarming with Bohrok! *The Fellowship makes great haste and make it to the woods of Lothlorien by that night.* Kadihi: Beware, Frodo, for there is a Le-witch in these woods. First off, it’s a konspiracy, because Le-Matoran aren’t supposed to be ladies, and also- Le-Matoran: Welcome to the woods. *Points arrow at Kadihi.* We seek refuge, please let us stay a night. *** Galidriel: You mean to tell me Guudalf has fallen and he can’t get up? Yes, exactly. *** Frodo: What’s in the mirror? Galidriel: Some would say a reflection, but others cannot tell, for the mirror shows many things. SW: Lemme see first! *Looks into mirror, to see Frodo pale, and the Shire’s trees chopped down and burning.* Galidriel: What you saw was your future, any attempt to foil it will result in it happening. Frodo: *Looks into mirror, and sees people and other things, but suddenly a eye, a great, fiery-orange Eye, gazing at him.* What did I just see? Galidriel: You saw the Eye of Malron, it’s gaze piercing you within. Frodo: TAKE THE HAT. Galidriel: I must say, my heart has desired this greatly… To have to power to look fashionable, and be terrible, instead of a Dark Lord you would have a Dark Lady- Frodo: *Slowly backs away.* Galidriel: No, I’m not done yet. BEAUTIFUL AND POWERFUL AND- Frodo: *Starts running.* Galidriel: WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH? But… I can’t. I passed the test. Frodo: Oh, OK, guud. *** Galidriel: First, for all, I gift you with cloaks, ropes and lembas. To you, Nameless, I give you a sheath and a green Le-Matoran stone from Aryawen. Thank you, my lady. Galidriel: To you, Kepomir, I give a golden belt. Kepomir: Oooh, shiny. Galidriel: Pohatu, Macedonia, you get silver belts. Macedonia: You needed something to hold up those pants anyways, Pohatu… Galidriel: Leqolas, take this longbow. Leqolas: Oh yeah, now that’s what I’m talking about! Galidriel: SW… You can have this magic dirt. Oh, and a seed of the Mallorn tree- Tolkien: STOP, STOP, STOP!!! How many “Mal” puns are you going to make? The Author: Well, I could’ve done more, I mean, the Mines of Malia was a really tempting name, and… Tolkien: How many times are you just going to repeat your name throughout the story?!? The Author: Well, you technically did name the tree the mallorn tree, I just capitalized it to make the “Mal” more visible. Tolkien: … Fine, continue then. SW: Thank you, m’lady. Galidriel: Uh… I don’t have anything for you, Kadihi, not that I don’t want to give you anything. Kadihi: I would only like one lock of your hair… Galidriel: I’ll give you three, then. *Cuts off locks and gives it to Kadihi.* Kadihi: YES! Now I can do testing to confirm my konspiracy on how you have hair in the first place!!! Galidriel: … And to you, Frodo, take this. It’s a phial that shines with Eärendil's star. *** SW: That’s a strange sight, I’m sure I saw a log with eyes following us. That was no log, that was the creature YJF. SW: Lemme guess, next thing you’re gonna say is “That’s no moon, it’s a space station”. What?... *** Leqolas: *Shoots a giant, flying creature.* The Rahkshi are riding on flying beasts now!... Which makes no sense, being they can fly themselves… *** Here we are, Amon Hen. Now we need to find out which road we shall go to, Gondor or Maldor? Frodo: I want to be alone, y’know? Just for an hour, to decide. Kepomir: *Sneaks behind him.* GO TO GONDOR!!! Frodo: Yikes! Kepomir: Didn’t mean to scare you, but… I mean, if we go there… With the Hat… Frodo: You still want to use it as a weapon, don’t you? Kepomir: To defend my people! NOW GIMME IT!!! Frodo: No, you’re not yourself, Kepomir, you’re acting more like a Derplersomir!!! *Puts on Hat and runs to a Seat, where he sees armies of Bohrok, and then the Eye of Malron.* Derplersomir: GIVE IT TO ME NOW, I WANT IT. RAAAAAAAAGH. *Hits head.* … *** Where’s Frodo and Kepomir? Leqolas: Let’s look for them. *Group splits up.* SW: I know what Frodo’s up to! *Goes over to the boats.* You better take me with you! Frodo: I can’t, SW, I have to do this alone. SW: Sure you do… But I’m coming with you! Category:Blog posts